Lost Letter for Kurt

"Congrats Kurt, kamu udah sepuluh tahun bersama kami di sini. So let's celebrates!" ujar seorang orator ulung yang pernah hidup di bumi. Kurt lalu menyalami tangan temen-temennya itu. Ada Elvis, Jim, Cliff, Janis, John, Bob, Jimi, Fredie sampai Sid. Ini terjadi di suatu tempat yang tidak bisa disebutkan, tepat di tanggal 05 April 2004. Sudah sepuluh tahun Kurt datang dan berkumpul dengan mereka di sini. Bersama kelompok yang menamakan dirinya The Armageddon Rockstarz [untuk kalangan terbatas!]. Ikut mengibarkan bendera hitam bergambar kepala tengkorak yang konon dibuat oleh Kaisar Nero. This is the immortal post-life scene!...

Selebrasi dimulai. Api unggun dinyalakan. Di atas meja sudah tersedia beragam makanan. Roti Belgia, keju Swiss, celeng Galia dan kacang Turki. Juga kretek Jawa, cerutu Kuba dan daun Jamaika. Berbotol-botol arak Bali, bir Jerman dan anggur Prancis mulai dibuka tutupnya, plup!...

Sebuah band garage-rock diundang secara khusus dari bumi. Untuk memainkan musik yang katanya lagi hype di bawah sana. Namun semuanya terdengar sama saja. Di antara gelak tawa dan canda, tiba-tiba seorang pemuda tak dikenal yang berkaos 'lidah terjulur' datang sambil mengangkat selembar amplop...

"Kurt, barusan aku nemu surat di kotak gitar kamu. Nih!..."
Kurt bangkit menerima surat itu. Lalu dia buka perlahan...
Isinya beberapa lembar kertas A4. Agak lusuh. Kekuningan. Berisi barisan kalimat yang diketik rapi. Dengan spasi satu setengah dan font jenis Arial ukuran 11.
Kurt lalu pindah duduk di pojok. Membaca perlahan. Dalam hati. Menerawang. Something in the way...


On the earth, heaven and hell facts about Kurt Cobain


This letter is dedicated to my all-time favorite song-writer. There's so much I admired in him and it is ashamed that many great artist like Kurt Cobain ended up die not by his own will. For example John Lennon or Tupac Shakur, both are shot. However I'm here not to talk about them, but Kurt. This is my bow for his talent and braveness in facing life.

"Dari sapa Kurt?", tanya Fredie ingin tahu - sambil membelai punggung Jim [?!].
Kurt cuma diam. Menatap Fredie sebentar. Lalu terus membaca...

Kurt Donald Cobain was the former leader of Nirvana, the multiplatinum grunge band that redefined the sound of the nineties. He was born on the 20th of February 1967 in Hoquaim, a small town 140 kilometers south-west of Seattle.

Kurt berhenti sejenak. Mengancingkan flanel-nya.
Memicingkan mata. Mengerutkan dahi. Seraya berpikir...
"Mmhh, it's about me?!..."

Sementara temannya yang lain mulai mengelilingi Jim yang sedang menari ala Indian. Shaman. Jim merentangkan tangan. Dengan mata terpejam dia berputar-putar. Rupanya reaksi LSD sudah membakar darahnya. Setiap satu putaran semuanya berteriak, "C'mon baby light my fire!.."

Kurt once a happy child, always smiling, not being able to wait until the next day, but this has changed. He grew up became such an angry unhappy boy, this was reflect on his lyrics and musics. Maybe this was fueled a lot by his parent's divorce when he was seven. He became increasingly difficult, anti social and withdrawn, he never felt loved or secure again. Considering he was the only child so he must have faced this fact alone without someone to talk to. After his parent's divorce, Kurt found himself shuttled back and forth between various relatives and at one stage homeless living under a bridge.

Si Bob melirik Kurt sambil memainkan rambut gimbalnya.
Lalu berkata pelan padanya, "Everything gonna be alright, my friend."
Kurt mengangguk. Bob tersenyum, lalu melemparkan lintingannya. Jah!...

When he was eleven he heard and was captivated by the Britain's Sex Pistols. After their self-destruction, Kurt and friend Crist Novoselic continued to listen to the wave of British bands including Joy Division, the nihilistic post-punk band that some say Nirvana are directly descended from in form of mood, melody and lyrical quality.

"British conquers America! God saves the rock!"
Bendera Inggris raya diarak lari keliling api unggun oleh Sid.
"We'll never walk alone!" teriaknya membabi-buta.
"Yeah, never...never..." gumam John pelan.

Kurt's creativity and idealism attitude didn't win many friends in high school and sometimes earned him beatings from his so-called friends. But he got even by spraying their pick-up trucks "Queer".

"Kenapa aku gak boleh duduk di kursi itu?"
"Gak bisa! Kursi itu udah lama kami siapkan buat Ozzy. Suatu saat dia pasti datang!"
"Huh, Ozzy?! The MTV rockcraps?!..."
"No, he's the king of all metalheads! Trus kursi di sebelahnya itu milik Mick, lalu Pete, dan juga Roger!"
"Why not Britney??..."

Kurt formed and reformed a series of bands before Nirvana came to be in 1986. Nirvana was an uneasy alliance between Kurt, bassist Crist Novoselic and eventually drummer multi-instrumentalist Dave Grohl.

"Eh, kenapa Euronymous gak dateng ya?"
"Mmhh, tadi aku liat dia sedang asyik baca buku Dialog Dengan Jin..."

By 1989 Nirvana recorded their rough-edged first album Bleach for local Seattle independent label Sub-Pop. In Britain, Nirvana received a lot of recognition and in 1991 Geffen bought their contract, they signed to the mega-label, the first non-mainstream band to do so. Two and a half year after Bleach, they releases Nevermind, a series of different, crunching, screaming songs that along with it's first single Smells Like Teen Spirit would propel Nirvana to a mainstream stardom.

Janis naik ke atas meja. Mengangkat kedua tangannya. Lalu berteriak...
"Give me a D...R...U...G....S... please spell it guys?!"
"Drugs!" jawab mereka serempak.

Kurt fell into heroin in the early 90's. He said he used it as a shield against the rigorous demands of touring and to stop the pain of stomach ulcers or an irritated bowel. Through the touring and pressure, Kurt continued to write his very personal acutely focused lyrics.

"Benarkah kamu dulu hates your own self and want to die?!", tanya Sid yang sampai sekarang masih yakin kalau titel 'Nevermind' itu terinspirasi dari album dia dulu. Nevermind The Bollocks! Pistols Shock USA!...
Kurt tidak menjawab. Sid kesel, "Huh, all Americans are craps!..."

Kurt was distressed to find out that what he wrote and how it was interpreted could quite often be miles apart. He was shocked when he found out that apparently two men had sung Polly, a heavily ironic anti-rape song, as they raped a young girl. He later appealed to fans on their newest album, Incesticide liner notes; "If any of you don't like gays or women or blacks, please leave us the fuck alone."

It was to no avail, Kurt found out that as an overnight millionaire musician control was something he had very little of. Kurt also worried that his band had sold-out, that it was attracting the wrong kinds of fans [i.e. the type that used to beat him up].

After that, In Utero and MTV Unplugged albums was released. The previous year he married the already pregnant Courtney Love and later in the same year, his daughter Frances Bean Cobain was born.

After his performance with Nirvana for MTV Unplugged in November 1993, Kurt was registered for some detox program in Los Angeles but fled after only few days of the program. He also had committed unsuccessful suicide bid in which he washed down about 50 prescription painkillers with champagne.

"Haha, drugs won't kill you!', seru Jimi ngakak.
"No, not at all. Stop the guns dealer first, then the drugs dealer after thats!"
"And don't ever buy an apartment in Liverpool too...", sambung John.
"So that's why the world is so deadly, yeuh!"
Semua tertawa...

Kurt was cited in the Seattle area with a shotgun. Days later on the 5th of April 1994, Kurt went into the small room above his garage in his Seattle home and ended it all. He wrote a suicide note written in red ink addressed to Love and their 19 month old daughter Frances. The suicide note ended with the words, "I love you, I love you..."

Cliff menarikan jarinya di atas dawai bass. Dari fret ke fret. Jarinya berlari.
Lalu mendadak berhenti. Menatap kurt. Dan bertanya...
"Bagaimana rasanya menembak kepala sendiri?!"
Sambil tetap memainkan intro lagu 'To Live Is To Die'...

Until now his suicide action was doubt by some people including myself, I believe that it was an act of murdered, because he had a new will made up by his lawyer giving Frances everything as he was going to divorce Love, but the will hadn't finished made yet. So do you think he would have committed suicide before he knew Frances would get everything? Besides, there were defense marks on his arms indicating that someone forcibly hit him up with more heroin that he wanted to do and with that level of heroin I don't think he had the strength to lifted the gun and shot himself in his mouth, get up after that put all his heroin needles back nicely leave his wallet lying out his cards right in the open and wipe everything clean of prints! It couldn't have been easy, try it sometimes. Can't forget the door that could only be locked from outside, and guess what? It was locked!...

Dengan gitar bolongnya, Janis teriak dan bernyanyi...
"Rape me... Rape me, my friend... Rape me... Rape me again..."
Sejenak dia berhenti dan berseru, "These song for you Kurt!"
Kurt cuma tersenyum. Manis.
Lalu Janis nyanyi lagi, "I'm not the only one...Aaaaaaaa...."

I think the police was paid for not investigated this. What about there were only a few drops of blood which would indicate that his heart had stopped pumping when he was shot? There was only a little blood trickling out of one of his ears while we know when a person shot in his mouth, a great amount of blood will flew up from his ears, if the person before is alive.

"Eh Kurt, udah denger Blink 182 yang baru? Gila man pokoknya!", tanya Elvis antusias.
Elvis emang lagi tergila-gila ama Blink 182. Terutama lagu 'I Miss You' yang menurutnya keren banget.
Fredie membantah. Menurutnya The Darkness itu yang paling cool untuk saat ini.
Keduanya lalu bertengkar. Bahkan hampir adu jotos.
Kurt tidak menggubris mereka berdua.
Dia masih terus membaca...

I think, and this is only my personal opinion, that kurt was murdered by his wife Courtney Love, or maybe someone she hired. This can be predict by her weird perfect alibi that she was in a hotel room soaked with drugs, and someone strangely called the police to pick her up to the police station at the exact time Kurt killed himself in his house, it's all really confusing. And why she didn't want to read Kurt suicide note completely to the public saying that it's none of the fans business? The note published in the internet was fake because it's not the same with the one she sung in a song tribute to Kurt and the one she read in some TV shows. Everyone knows that she married Kurt only for her own fame. She didn't love him, she didn't care about him and she will never do. The tears are obviously faked.

Tiba-tiba John menghampiri Kurt. Menyalaminya sambil berkata, "Congrats boy, sekalipun kau Amerikan, tapi kau lumayan berbakat. Musikmu memang bukan seleraku, tapi lirik kamu bagus. Aku senang kamu ada di sini..."

Nevertheless, this is from my personal opinion. The angry fans who furious that his idol has been taken away in such way. If you want to know the case, browse to the internet for his info and find out what really happen to him. Kurt cobain should have been 37 this year if he is alive and would have made more great songs.

Peace. Love. Empathy.

In the memory of Kurt Donald Cobain [RIP]
August 20th 1967 - April 5th 1994

Itu saja. Selesai sampai di situ surat yang dibaca Kurt.
Tanpa tanda tangan maupun nama pengirim.
Dia masih bingung. Siapa sih yang bikin surat ini?!
Kok sentimentil banget? Buat apa? Buat siapa?...

Sementara di ujung sana Jimi mulai membakar gitarnya di atas api unggun.
Sedangkan yang lain berdiri bergandengan tangan. Mengitari Jimi dan jilatan api yang sedang beraksi di puncak acara. Sambil menyanyikan lagu 'Kemesraan' yang di-medley dengan 'We Will Rock You'.

Kurt mulai sedikit tersenyum.
Antara lega, puas atau merasa geli?!

Dia cuma bisa diam sambil melirik banner digital print bertuliskan 'The Armageddon Rockstarz' yang terikat pada dua batang pohon pinus. Dia betah di sini...
"Mmh, biarlah misteri ini aku bawa mati," pikirnya dalam hati.

Kurt lalu melipat surat tadi. Memasukkan kembali ke dalam amplop. Perlahan. Hingga tiba-tiba matanya terhenti pada dua baris kalimat berukuran kecil. Dia dekatkan pandangnya dan membaca. Lalu sontak ia terbelalak kaget. Nafasnya mulai tersengal. Keringat dingin mengucur. Tangannya gemetar. Kurt seperti nyaris pingsan. Di tepi kiri atas amplop itu tertulis...

To : solidrock at malang indonesia
Isi : sumbangan esai